Feelings

If there has been one thing I've learned so far about beggining the TTC process it's that feelings will be plentiful. I'm not sure quite how to describe it, but evey time I think about this process or the end result of having a baby in my hands, deep down some sort of feeling is unleashed. Sometimes they are happy thoughts about what our life will become, sometimes they are frustrated thoughts just wanting to get preggos already, but always there is this feeling of excitement, kinda like a kid at Christmas. I can't sleep some nights and days, when I should be doing homework, I find myself drifting off into this perfect blissful baby world where I'm so happy and content with my new little one. Then sleepless nights drift in and in come finances and poopy diapers, and I find myself almost having a mild panic attack. But I so badly want this, ALL of it, I don't understand it exactly. A normal person would think of the bad that comes along with all this and make the rational descision to wait a while longer. But no, a women with baby fever justifies it all and even convinces herself that it ALL sounds like a good idea and something that she should experienced asap. Writing his down seems like a lightbulb should be going off and I should be like I'm young with lots of time ahead of me but yet again "no" pops up, I'm young and that makes me better suited to all this non sense! It's craziness, I'm really beginning to feel like this is becoming a case of mental illness, I'm so set On thus and yet I'm so scared and fearful of the whole process, pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing, it all sound kinda like a nightmare. But I feel ready and willing and want to so badly do this, that nothing will scare me out if it. I know that children once here change everything, and mostly for the better but how our relationship stand up? What will happen to my body? How are our first furbabies going to be affected? Am I going to be able to leave the baby and go back to school? Am I going to be able to breastfeed? What if something happens to one of us? So many questions with no answers, yet I'm still excited about this....WTF???

I'm trying to write about how baby smiles at you and it all becomes worth it, truth is though I don't know what that's like yet. I'm sure it's true but how can a smile make it all worth it?? My partner smiles at me all the time and that usually means he just farted! So making pushing a watermelon out of you know where worth it because of a smile sounds even crazier?? Again left with more questions then answers....

I do know one thing though, that I already have a lot of love for the egg and sperm still in each of us that will hopefully join together and create a baby bambino. I wonder sometimes if I have enough love to give but the only reason I can come up with how all the bad stuff seems worth it is love. We do it for our dogs (and trust me potty training a puppy makes me wonder why I choose to love him, but the first time he asked to go out, I damn near crapped my with happiness that I TAUGHT him something) and I'm sure our baby will be no exception, but I love my sleep ALOT so again the questions of how.

Obivously though this is something that we are going to attempt in just over a week and I am glad I am so excited about it all. I love this journey so far and feel like I've been on an emotional rollercoaster already, but something tells me it's gonna get a lot worse.....but I'm excited for what's to come and am really hoping that one day I'll get thansmike that makes it all worth it!!

Adjusting to Puppy

Well Norton is home now and has been for 4 days now. Its really gone by quickly and has not involved much sleep. He is absolutely adorable and we love him dearly already but you are quickly reminded how much work puppies truly are. He is good at peeing on pads not so much outside, but at least its not the carpet. He does not like sleeping by himself yet and howls endlessy unless one of us or Enzo is snuggling with him. I know this stage is short lived, so I'm trying to enjoy his adorable chubby cuteness.

When 3 become 4

Well a new member of our family is arriving much, much sooner than we anticipated. We are proud and happy to announce that Enzo is getting a new brother and hopefully a new best friend this weekend.

Introducing Norton R. He is going to be 8 weeks this weekend and is a Rat Terrier, Mini Dachshund Cross.

He is the puppy that is standing with paws on my hand, and just ignore all the talk.

The coolest thing about our new little guy is that he actually has the same father as our first puppy, and even crazier is that it was a complete fluke. I have wanted another puppy for quite sometime, but my other half thought I was crazy, or so I thought. We went to the big city for some Christmas shopping and seen the most adorable Little Mini-dachshund, he ended being $1400 which was just a bit too much for a couple wanting to bring home a baby soon. He instantly got on Kijiji and found a Rat Terrier Mini Dachshund cross. We made an appointment to see them and upon getting there, I noticed we were right by the house that I got Enzo from. I asked the lady if Taco was by chance the puppies father, and sure enough he was. I already feel so attached to the chubbers and cannot wait to get him home. I really am one of the luckiest girls alive and I love that I am with somebody who shares my wants to expand family. This has as well helped take my mind off the impending new year and trying for a new baby. What better temporary cure for baby fever then a puppy. We'll see how I feel about a baby after numerous sleepless nights with a puppy, It will be an eye opener definitely! I cannot wait to get him home and settled and start our new life of 4 trying for 5.